Business Builders Podcast

Unwrapping the Complexity of Christmas with Samantha Young

• Brenton Gowland & Ron Tomlian • Season 3 • Episode 58

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Welcome to Episode 58 of the Business Builders Podcast, titled "Unwrapping the Complexity of Christmas with Samantha Young." This episode brings a fresh perspective to the festive season as we delve into the intricacies and challenges that Christmas presents for entrepreneurs and business leaders. Joined by Samantha Young, CEO of Human Psychology, we explore the nuanced aspects of balancing holiday cheer with professional responsibilities.

Key Topics:

  • The True Meaning of Christmas: We begin by discussing the deeper significance of Christmas beyond the commercial aspects, focusing on what truly matters during the season.
  • Managing Holiday Stress: Insights into effectively managing the increased stress and expectations that come with the holiday season, particularly for those in leadership roles.
  • Entrepreneurial Challenges During Festivities: Samantha Young offers her expert view on the unique challenges entrepreneurs face during Christmas and strategies to address them.
  • Maintaining Mental Health: The importance of mental health during this busy period is emphasized, with practical tips on self-care and setting boundaries.
  • Navigating Family and Business Dynamics: We explore how to balance family commitments with business demands during the festive season, including managing different expectations.
  • Reflection and Goal Setting: This segment focuses on using the holiday season as an opportune time for reflection on the past year's achievements and setting goals for the upcoming year.
  • Cultivating Authentic Festive Joy: Ideas for creating a genuinely joyful and meaningful Christmas experience in both personal and professional spheres.

Additional Resources:
Links to resources mentioned in the episode, including articles and tools for managing stress and achieving a balanced holiday season.

  • Public Hospital in Australia and dial 000 in an emergency
  • Lifeline Australia Phone 13 11 14 - 24 hour counselling
  • Mensline Australia 1300 78 99 78
  • Suicide Call Back Service Australia 1300 659 467
  • beyoundblue Support Service (Australia) 1300 224 636
  • SA Mental Health Crisis Numbers 13 14 65

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Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Business Builders Podcast. Until next time, KEEP ON BUILDING !!

Brenton Gowland:

Ho, ho ho, Business Builders. In today's Christmas special. We're unwrapping the complexities of Christmas with our now almost regular guest clinical psychologist Samantha young. We discuss how to juggle the festive seasons demands with personal well being what to do if we have to spend Christmas alone and how to be a better leader in our homes. So stay tuned for some practical advice about having a balanced and successful holiday period, sprinkled with a bit of festive cheer. Well, welcome to the Business Builders podcast. We are your hosts. I am Brenton Gowland.

Ron Tomlian:

And I'm Ron Tomlian.

Brenton Gowland:

Do you like the way I put a bit of emphasis on the I? Yeah, Ron, it's the last episode for 2023.

Ron Tomlian:

Hard to believe.

Brenton Gowland:

And we've done quite a few this year, just a couple. 24 ish episodes,

Ron Tomlian:

I think so.

Brenton Gowland:

We've stayed fairly regular.

Ron Tomlian:

That's the way to be in life as in podcasts.

Brenton Gowland:

That's good. And to those of you who are listening, we really thank you for listening. We, we have a great time doing this with the guests that we have on and just spending time talking about these things. Because really interesting when we do this podcast, Ron and I have talked about this before we actually find that we're probably the ones that learned the most, but I absolutely, particularly from our guests.

Ron Tomlian:

Yeah, yeah. And it's, it's one of those things that makes doing this type of thing. worthwhile, and educational for us. So I love it.

Brenton Gowland:

So for our listeners, you are joining in on listening to us learn and learning with us in a really, really nice thing. I've gone through the stats just recently. There's about 12 to 14 countries that regularly listen to us everywhere from South Africa to Iran. We got listeners in Iran. Interesting. Yeah. Obviously in the States and throughout Europe, and Sweden. A couple of people in Sweden, that's a new place that's close to my heart.

Ron Tomlian:

They're not very good. Blue and yellow,

Brenton Gowland:

Blue, and yellow. Yes, indeed. Anyway. So it's been a great year. And we're looking forward to a even better year next year with all sorts of different guests that will be joining us.

Ron Tomlian:

And I can't think of anyone I'd rather have on as our final guest for the year than so we've we've had on before.

Brenton Gowland:

She's becoming a bit of a regular Ron.

Ron Tomlian:

That's, that's why I like it. Speaking of regularity, again, and that's the CEO of human psychology. Samantha Young. Welcome, Samantha.

Samantha Young:

Hey, guys. Nice to be back. How are you both?

Brenton Gowland:

We are fantastic. And we coming into Christmas? Isn't that the best time of the year?

Samantha Young:

Nine more sleeps I just worked out is that right?

Ron Tomlian:

Yeah, it is.

Samantha Young:

I think this mostly

Ron Tomlian:

depends on whether you consider Christmas day to be Christmas Eve day, you know,

Brenton Gowland:

just remember this podcast will be coming out next week. So it'll be less than less than us. Christmas is upon us. We'll be coming out on Monday. So what does that make it? So it's the 15th. Today, we're on the Friday. So if it comes out on the Monday the podcast, that's the 17th 19th. So yeah, six days away from Christmas when this podcast comes out.

Samantha Young:

So I think I might have a bit of a distorted lens on Christmas partially because of the work we do human psychology. So I

Brenton Gowland:

did throw that out there on purpose because I know what we're going to talk about. Yeah,

Samantha Young:

I think for our time, our clinic clinical time, it's actually often a time for people to be stressed, exhausted, depressed, even sadly, suicidal, and many of our clients are facing emotional, financial and relationship challenges that combined into this lovely, perfect storm this time of year. So that's kind of my skewed lens that I'm trying to offset with festivities with my family and friends. So

Brenton Gowland:

if you're joining us for this last episode of the year, the vibe we're looking at today is Christmas. What should we say? How to how to how to make Christmas a cracker?

Ron Tomlian:

The highs and lows of highs

Brenton Gowland:

and lows of Christmas they had a flourish this festive season, because Christmas is important for business people. Yeah.

Samantha Young:

Well, it's this weird artificial deadline that we said that everything basically has to be finished and stop. Yeah, roundabout, the 22nd I think for a lot of people. And so there's this bizarre, like sort of everything has to finish by the 22nd pressure. And then on top of that we've got planning for Christmas or the Christmas events. It's a difficult time. Yeah. And there's lots of different stressors I think, particularly at the moment. So for some people, it's a reminder of loss this time of year, if they've lost a loved one during the year. These milestone events like Christmas really bring that home obviously cost of living at the moment and I was sharing with you both. My Divine 18 year old daughter presented me with a Canva slide deck of her Christmas wishlist which is a tick tock trend to the horror of parents all over the Hold right now. It was the audacity was gobsmacking. And the pressure that places parents under to try and meet this expectation of Christmas. So

Brenton Gowland:

tell us a look, we obviously sat down and had a look at this thing. And I asked me I sat there and went, you got to be kidding me. Just share us a little bit about what's in it. Nothing. Nothing wrong with your daughter doing that kind of thing.

Samantha Young:

That 15 slides, Canvas love beautifully produced. Can

Brenton Gowland:

I just say my other future in graphic design.

Samantha Young:

But we had, you know, the gift cards, the stocking fillers, the skincare, the makeup, the very expensive athletic wear bikinis that I think about $250 You name it was on there and inviting us to select from her list this year. I liked

Brenton Gowland:

the last slide. It was clearly a drum kit wrapped up in Christmas paper with a sign towing. I hope it's a dog, as

Samantha Young:

in Don't disappoint me, mom. I thought it was dry. So maybe that's really tough for parents. If that's the expert, and I'm hearing eight year olds putting together this kind of slide deck at the moment.

Brenton Gowland:

I wonder how many countries that's happening. And like I said earlier, we got about 12 to 16 countries listening to us if you're listening. Have you heard of parents getting slide decks from their kids for their Christmas wishes? It's

Samantha Young:

a tick tock phenomena. Thank you tick tock. Wow. So then all of that leads, I think to just exhaustion. Yeah, exhaustion. You know, almost

Brenton Gowland:

the opposite. There are because when you think about it, we were talking about this obviously earlier, your as a business person, if you're anything like us and other people, and I'm sure you are you go go go during the year and you're completely laser focused. And then you come to Christmas, sure you got family responsibilities, but all of a sudden, everything stops. And you're forced to think about relationships, family life, because it just stops.

Samantha Young:

Yeah, Nature doesn't like a vacuum. No, no. So

Brenton Gowland:

today, if you've got the juice, we're talking on this podcast about how to navigate Christmas, and how to have a great Christmas really. So Sam, when everything stops, what happens for people? Well,

Samantha Young:

obviously, it's an individual situation, but for type a high achieving driven entrepreneurs and CEOs, it can actually feel really unsettling. And there's a feeling of agitation and the loss of purpose. And like what am I meant to be doing with my time and the thought of just sitting down reading a book doesn't feel productive, because we're very much I think, told that busy equals where the busy equals productive. And so when we're not busy doing something productive, we're actually a bit of a loss as to what to do with ourselves. Yeah, I

Ron Tomlian:

think we like relaxation is often emphasised as part of the holidays. But business leaders often find that a really hard thing to do at the best of times. So how can they use the holidays develops better practices in this oh, can they use the holidays?

Samantha Young:

I think it's a golden opportunity. It's a golden window. It's a gift if we choose to use it the right way. And it's how we consciously choose to invest our time and energy. So I think the first priority needs to be rejuvenating, restoring our resources, and then time with people that we love that love us that that social connection with family and friends. All of the positive psychology research would suggest that quality relationships are literally the most important driver of wellbeing. Loneliness is as big a killer as obesity smoking, which is tragic, really, in the social media world that we all live in with 1000s of connections. Loneliness is increasingly a problem.

Brenton Gowland:

How many people are alone at Christmas? I know that be a huge number in the business community, you think it's the same? Again, I

Samantha Young:

think that's that's hard to answer. But certainly, we have an expectation of what the perfect Christmas is meant to look like. And it's meant to be filled with, you know, joy and, and amazing happy family times. And so for those people that don't have that it can really feel like failure, and drive home sort of that sense of taking stock of the year, and not feeling great about where I'm at.

Brenton Gowland:

You know what I used to do, and I'll share this just because it's pertinent. My family for years, didn't get on and talk with each other. So Christmas was a Josie my mum that would last a couple of hours. But then the next few days, I didn't have anywhere to see or anything to do. So every year I got into the habit of buying a computer game. And I'd play it for three days straight and then throw it in the bin at the end of that one when you know, everything started to open up and get going. That was my way of dealing with it all.

Samantha Young:

We have strays at our Christmas. So you Yeah, absolutely. So this year, we've got three people coming that don't have any way to go for lunch for various reasons separated families, families overseas. Yeah. And so yeah, we always invite rings, and it's lovely. It's fun. It sounds

Ron Tomlian:

like a good Christmas tradition to get into because it is inclusive, and there are people who are suffering

Samantha Young:

and it can help dilute some of the family dynamics Should we call them that can come up on a Christmas day with a bit of alcohol thrown in. And I

Ron Tomlian:

always thought that that Christmas, as you say, time a family and so on but, but be careful what you wish for because family can be the problem. Well,

Samantha Young:

I mean, simmering unresolved family tensions and time together plus alcohol can be an explosive combination. So I really want to warn people about that. And this expectation of feeling festive and celebratory and some of us won't be and that's okay. You kind of need to craft your own Christmas. And if that's sitting, you know, in a movie theatre watching a movie, or you know, I've got someone a friend of mine that's flying to Bali on Christmas Day, because she's done with everyone's Yeah,

Brenton Gowland:

I got another I got two other friends who are flying on Tuesday to Bali next week. Same reason

Samantha Young:

amazing. Like, why not? What Why isn't that a great way to spend Christmas if they want to do? I think I would invite people to think about doing things differently. So how can we give back there are lots and lots of opportunities with not for profits to get involved at Christmas and give back to the community and to the less fortunate just

Ron Tomlian:

that simple thing that you talked about inviting a few strays to your I think that's a fantastic if everyone did that, yeah, or a lot more people did that there would probably be less people who are concerned about the Christmas time charities like

Samantha Young:

food bank desperate, desperate for for supplies, because a lot of families are not able to afford a nice Christmas for their family because of cost of living. So there's lots of different ways we can think about taking the lens off ourselves and putting it on more needy people. So

Brenton Gowland:

the Business Builders podcast, we're obviously talking about business builders, people in business. So how do we then as business professionals prioritise our mental health during this period of year and protect ourselves and our family?

Samantha Young:

What can I start with the leaders role in making sure their people are allowed to being in mental health? So, you know, email access and sending emails over the break? Do we take take the email app off our phone? What kind of out of office message? Do we put? I've seen some gorgeous creative ones. Recently, someone sent me one with still slang, spelled like Christmas like, so are we? Are we allowing our people to take a genuine break? And we got to model that?

Ron Tomlian:

Oh, sure. I'd go further than that. Are we insisting that people take a break? Yeah, because of all the things we're gonna talk about today, it is pertinent for the people who work for business leaders, as it is for the leaders themselves. And sometimes leaders forget that for themselves, but sometimes they forget it for their people to Yeah,

Samantha Young:

just psychosocial safety risk, if we're still got a Christmas party coming up, let's make sure that we're taking all of those compliance boxes around alcohol and safe passage home, etc. And people's conduct.

Brenton Gowland:

I've seen some terrible outcomes from Christmas parties. Yeah, there's some good stories. And it can also be Christmas parties can be great, you just need to have a half a brain active,

Samantha Young:

which sometimes again, with alcohol, that leaves the room. So I think then, I think it's a wonderful time to take stock. So we often don't think about what we're proud of, in the year, our achievements, and really sit down and list them down, write them down and go, This is what I'm really proud of this year, this is what went really well. And then you can reflect on some of the learnings. And then how do I want my leadership to be in 2024? What am I going to do differently? What am I going to drop delegate? How am I going to consciously invest my time and energy in priorities rather than reactive chaos? So I think it's a time to reflect it's a time to set goals. And it's a time to think about our leadership brand and how we want to be in our businesses. I

Ron Tomlian:

like that. Yeah, I think I think reflection is an might be something that we explore in the new year. I think reflection is one of the skills of leadership that is often neglected. And this is a perfect time to, you've got a little bit of time on your hands, you might be looking for something to do, doing the things that you talked about looking, looking back and thinking, What have I achieved and what have I learned from it, because we learn a lot every year. But if we're not reflecting on it, we're not taking stock and sort of assimilating into who we are. We're missing an opportunity there. One

Samantha Young:

thing maybe to think about is taking a values inventory. So what are my values and being really explicit about those and then you can align your priorities to those values, because values are dynamic. They do change over time. And reignite your leadership purpose. You know, why am I doing this? Why should people follow me? What gets me out of bed in the morning? Because that actually is where culture comes from. And it's contagious? Yes. And is the antidote to burnout as well. It can also cause burnout, but having a really clear sense of your leadership why I think is a really positive thing to go into 2024 with You

Brenton Gowland:

only need to get some space to work that out. Because you just there's no other way to do it in my view?

Samantha Young:

Well, because, you know, most of the time, if we actually look at how we spend our time, week to week, very little of our diaries would honestly be deep thought, reflection, the strategic, how do we do things differently because we, our diaries are just crammed with, you know, reactive stuff. So I think this is a really valuable window, thinking about boundaries, thinking about what you're going to commit to. And one thing I'd love to say later is just from a straight wellbeing point of view, in 2020, for less telling people what to do less meetings, and more listening, and just more hanging out informally with your team. And I think that is literally at the core of how to improve well being.

Ron Tomlian:

It's the most underutilised skill, I think, in the leadership's arsenal of tools is just listening. And I'm not talking about hearing, I'm talking about deep listening, going. But you're looking at all the information that's coming in from people communicating to you, and really understanding them a little bit better. And you're absolutely right, we don't do enough of it. And it can start with that intention at this time of the year.

Samantha Young:

And I think that's a great word Ron, set your intention.

Ron Tomlian:

So we've talked about communication, and during the year strong team dynamics becomes part of in our successful business, how can we use the break to recharge and improve these aspects of our interaction with people?

Samantha Young:

I like that word intent again. So if we come back to what my leadership purpose is, do you have a clear and accurate picture of what the culture is in your organisation? How do you know what's accurate? Where's your objective, factual verification on that? And a bit of a gap analysis? So if we're not where I want us to be, how are we going to get there? You know, what's the what's the pathway? So, strategic thought requires time and space. And yeah, that that that sort of buffered bubble that the lovely Christmas break can give us now, I'm also not suggesting you spend your whole Christmas break doing this. I was just thinking about that. Because this is literally meant to be if we think about healthy mind platter, right? You know, it's a bit like as a serving size for nutrition. Yeah. Playtime, downtime, unstructured time, just crucial to our mental health.

Brenton Gowland:

And I think if you've got a partner, you need to communicate that you need to do some of that, because otherwise, I know, well, I would assume I'm starting to find out because this is the first Christmas of I'm having a partner for the last fair amount of time. And, you know, there's already been discussions about what are we going to do on a downtime, which is fantastic. But I think you need to prepare that person if you do need a bit of time to be alone and with focus on business or focus on yourself. I think communication. I know we've talked about it, but I think it becomes a key aspect to that family working effectively. If

Samantha Young:

you ask most CEOs or entrepreneurs, what's most important to them? What do you think that answer?

Brenton Gowland:

Right? That's an interesting question.

Ron Tomlian:

Well, that's the problem. I think a lot of them would answer growth as a business. future prospects should be fast success. And usually success is defined by other people or society. It should be about their relationships. Yeah. But it's not.

Samantha Young:

I think a lot of them would say, Oh, my family do. I think they'd say, my family. And that's when you sort of gently have to challenge that and go, Well, time and money follow our priorities. And are they

Ron Tomlian:

what you're saying is they say their family, because that's what's expected of them. I don't think that's what they need really think, unfortunately.

Samantha Young:

And the, the potential consequences of that choice, are really, really catastrophic. Losing relationships, not having close relationships with your children, not having friendships that you can rely on for emotional support outside of work. So

Brenton Gowland:

a little birdie told me that the second week of Christmas is the biggest divorce. Yeah,

Samantha Young:

it is. I've got lots of friends that are family lawyers, and they are gearing up for January. Wow. Yeah. And particularly at the moment we're seeing clinically, unfortunately, because of the housing crisis, a lot of people are staying together, because they've got nowhere else to live. And that's creating all sorts of conflict and tension to see violence. Well, I mean, South Australia at the moment, we are at the most horrific statistic in our history of the most women killed allegedly by their partners or ex partners ever. Are we reaching to await now?

Brenton Gowland:

I love that word, allegedly. Yeah, well, we have to say it I know but it's not a legend at all. It's happening.

Samantha Young:

Yeah. So and as leaders, we need to be aware that our people bring their whole selves to work. And a lot of this stuff is going on In the background in their personal lives, and we might not know about,

Brenton Gowland:

well, it actually speaks to the fact that we need to be leaders in our home as well, whether we're male or female, if we're going to be a leader at work, how do we leave at home? And I say this, I had this really interesting conversation with my partner last night. And I said, I really feel she was talking about her friends experience at the moment with some of the males they're dating. And look, this is gonna sound bizarre, but the key thing I learned from church was how to navigate a relationship. And I went to church for years back. And it was like a mega church down south, doesn't really matter who it was. But every other weekend, they'll be talking about relationships, and family and marriage. And then we'd have seminars, and I got years of that. And I think I actually learned during that period of time how to navigate a relationship, because he keeps talking about how different I am than other people. And I said, I don't think I am, I think, have just had the training, and have been made aware about how a relationship can work best. And so you, you do these things that you've learned, and you see them having that result. It's like anything, you've got to learn how to have a relationship. And I don't think people do is interesting,

Ron Tomlian:

because I think a lot of people take for granted that being a human being I know all about relationships, it is something that you need to think about it is something you need to consider in your life. And I don't think enough people do in

Brenton Gowland:

the Catholic church do very interesting thing, right? Because I grew up in Catholic school. So whenever they marry someone, it's mandatory that they go through marriage counselling, and the first thing they try to do is separate you. And you go, wow, they really do they do like a gap analysis. How did you fall in love? What did there's movies on this? I know there was a movie with Robin Williams about this. It was a comedic thing when he was doing a marriage counselling. But I think that's really smart. And I think lately, I think I'm not saying this is the reason but I don't think society in general gets training, particularly men in how to run it and relationship that

Samantha Young:

comes back to Ron's comment before about what success is right. And so if we're going to define success by those, it's extrinsic material factors like money, salary, house car, not the quality of my relationships. I mean, we really need to turn it on its head. So we're talking about books to read over Christmas, and the one I'm going to strongly recommend is, The Five Regrets of the Dying is fantastic. And so it's written by a hospice nurse. I think it ends brawny, warm. And it's the lessons that she learned from people why she sits with them in palliative care while they're dying, which sounds depressing, but it's not. And not one of them mentioned money. The first one is I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Alright,

Brenton Gowland:

so if you are listening to this business builders, podcasts, our recommendation for this Christmas is the book

Samantha Young:

Five Regrets of the Dying. Yep, yep. And then I think the other one cuz people ask me all the time clinically, in sessions, you know, what book Can I read? And look, I'm not a big advocate for self help books, generally, but Five Regrets of the Dying and the other one is Man's Search for Meaning.

Ron Tomlian:

Franklin, cool, fabulous band

Samantha Young:

that goes to purpose. Yeah, so and it's this idea that between the stimulus and the response is our choice that makes us human. And that then that's around how we want to be in the world and our leadership brand and being calm and well resourced, and yet well enough, that we actually can choose our response under stress. Okay. So,

Brenton Gowland:

again, if you're listening, we're gonna say, I'll, I'll commit to that. I'll read those two books over the break runs, probably reread them both.

Ron Tomlian:

I have. But having said that, one of the things that I find difficult, like most people do is finding time for all this development. Download

Brenton Gowland:

a podcast. Yeah. Okay, walk and listen to it. And

Ron Tomlian:

the thing is, you know, people think I've got to read the whole book, and I'm going to read it from cover to cover, I found that there's plenty of different versions of book summaries. Oh, yes. And you can pick up the you know, I'm by subscribe to blink list. linkless, blink list. And they give you a probably a five page summary of the book and depends on what the book is and how deep you want to go into it. But and you can also do an audio version of that, you can get a lot of the key points, and then decide I want to read the whole book, but you can get a lot of the key points takes you about 15 minutes a day. Now during the holidays. That's a great, you know, we're talking about time for reflection 15 minutes in the morning. In fact, one of the books I'm going to be reading, because I read the blink list version of it is the 5am Club, which is about getting up early and spending some time on your own development on a regular basis. I read the blink list version of it and thought that that's fantastic because I am a 5am to ah yeah. And so this Nothing better than somebody who agrees with you, quite frankly, I'll just start by giving you some structure to you. You're thinking about that. And what was interesting when I read and just read the summary is that they talked about having attention to four aspects of your life, we all talk about your mindset. They talked about your heart set, your relationship set, I think they call it and your emotional set and your soul set. Right. So I'm not going to go into the details of that, but it just getting little snippets of that and then being willing to explore it more is it's a great time of the year to do those things.

Samantha Young:

Can I can I share two more family traditions we do. So we borrow I think at Iceland, We borrowed this from Christmas Eve, we give each other books, and jammies, Christmas jammies, and we all sit around with our new books, and either you know, your beverage of choice, hot chocolate, red wine, whatever, and sit and read our new books. So that's one we do. And then the other is there's a jar in the living room, everyone in the family puts their cool memories in. So there's right and brought down a bit of paper and put them in, like cool things that have happened that week, that day. And then we read them all on New Year's Eve.

Brenton Gowland:

That's cool.

Ron Tomlian:

It's really nice when you put them in beforehand and get one of you to create a Canva presentation

Samantha Young:

to where you can buy. I

Brenton Gowland:

was just thinking, is that part of the presentation? Did you put books in there?

Samantha Young:

That'd be a big no. No, but they just to like nice ideas to D commercialise Christmas a bit.

Ron Tomlian:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, unfortunately, again, was all the societal pressure on people, which does make Christmas more difficult for a lot of people because it it's about do I get the right present? Why do I have spent enough on the present? All that sort of

Samantha Young:

thing? Is everything going to look the right way? In social media? Yeah,

Ron Tomlian:

it's little things like that. And as in little traditions, little genuine thoughtfulness in a lot of people buy presents, and there's no thought that goes into it. I'd much rather not told my kids this and my wife, I'd much rather have something small, that's meaningful than something expensive that nonprobability I don't even necessarily want.

Samantha Young:

So I think we need to not accept any perfect representation of Christmas that the media or other people try and make us believe. So like, drop your expectations and any attachment to what it should look like. And that will immediately bring your stress levels down. Yeah, well,

Brenton Gowland:

that's again, a leadership thing, isn't it? Because you're calling a spade a spade? Yeah, it's

Samantha Young:

about being authentic boundaries, you know, setting really clear boundaries around time, and and who you're going to spend that time with, trying to avoid that excessive rumination about your life. That's a bit of a rabbit hole that if you go down, it can be hard to claw back from, and try and take realistic positive inventory of your achievements and what you're proud of and your strengths. Can

Brenton Gowland:

I ask, What if any of our business builders out there are finding themselves alone at Christmas? Because now that happens, and I'll say that people who have got divorced, I know some blokes at the moment? Who are single year or so and now we'll be spending their Christmases alone? What do we do if we're spending the time alone to keep our outlook positive? Well,

Samantha Young:

the first thing I think we will do is drop in the comments. At the end, I'm going to give you a list of support services that if you are really starting to feel in a dark place, please please reach out for support to those really fantastic services like lifeline. I think it's okay to acknowledge that's how you're feeling and then try and control what you can. So are there friends, you can reach out to other community events that you could attend? Are there volunteering opportunities you could get? That's really cool.

Brenton Gowland:

Yeah.

Ron Tomlian:

That's a good point. Because the there's nothing better when you are feeling lonely than having someone that you can talk to, and being involved for getting involved in social activities. That were you you're giving as much as you're getting.

Samantha Young:

And feeling lonely is not a permanent state. And it's not a sign of failure. It's not a personality, weakness. It's a temporary emotional condition that we can then take positive steps to address. Yeah,

Brenton Gowland:

that's excellent. Thanks for that.

Ron Tomlian:

It looks the other side I think of the coin is that it is a wonderful time of the year in general. And if we are surrounded by family and friends, we should be celebrating that as well. We should be

Samantha Young:

grateful. You look around the world at the moment. I was talking to someone last night about the series of just terrible events that have happened in Adelaide recently with just some really awful deaths of people in the community that I think's really rocked Adelaide, we concluded that life is short. We don't know what's coming next. So let's celebrate now and be grateful now, what we have is just that real opportunity to genuinely sit with gratitude.

Brenton Gowland:

And if you are listening internationally, we have had a real tough couple of weeks in Adelaide. We've lost one of our top doctors, he got broken into 30 in the morning and was unfortunately, set upon by people and as passed away. So that's really tragic. And then there's been a series of other things. So Adelaide is feeling a little bit

Samantha Young:

bruised. Yeah, we are feeling bruised. I think. The other thing I just would say on behalf of our colleagues in emergency services is please drive carefully this break. Oh, yeah, please drive carefully. If you're going to drink, do not drive. And you're not going to get there any quicker by speeding or rushing to please look after each other on the roads.

Brenton Gowland:

And it is a season where people get grumpy with each other in the car. People get grumpy at shopping centres, people get grumpy everywhere. Yeah. Well, there's

Ron Tomlian:

a lot of idiots out there. Let's be fair,

Brenton Gowland:

that is true.

Samantha Young:

But you let you lie is

Ron Tomlian:

that that's a mindset thing. If you believe that, you are going to be finding that there's always people who will do what you're expecting them to do. Isn't

Samantha Young:

that the whole story of the Grinch at Christmas? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. My daughter works in hospitality. And she was telling us some stories from this week, and just absolutely horrible behaviour towards our hospitality staff. So again, like, let's give our retail and hospital workers a break. They're doing their best. Yes. And yeah, try and be generous rather than mean to them,

Brenton Gowland:

then conversely to that if you do go places and bring a bit of cheer with you and and cheer people up. I appreciate it immensely. You get served better. And sometimes they give you things that you wouldn't expect you have a free one of these. Yeah, winning

Samantha Young:

for everyone. Yeah,

Ron Tomlian:

it's supposed to be the time of good cheer. Let's make it that way. There's a positive thing that we can take into our practice of Christmas.

Brenton Gowland:

So are there any other as we kind of get towards wrapping up? Are there any other tips and advice that you would have for our listeners about how they can have a positive, excellent Christmas that sets them up for the new year,

Samantha Young:

as hard as it is try to look after yourself with the basic self care stuff. So diet goes out the window. If you drink alcohol, we'll drink more. We're not getting as much sleep exercise gets put on the back burner. But try as much as you can to just do some of those basics. Yep. Because then that gives you more resources to get through without being too stressed. And encouraging those around us to do the same thing. Yeah, we've talked about limits on alcohol and how Alcohol is a depressant and dis regulates us. So just kind of watch that, particularly in professional settings, put boundaries around how much you're spending. There's lots and lots of non monetary gifts you can give people we might be doing a garden for them, or babysitting, or you can cook stuff, but you don't have to spend money on expensive things you can't afford. That's a great point. Yeah, I think I'm trying to remember who was listening to but they were saying on eBay after Christmas, something like 60% of gifts are unwanted. Yeah. Wow, for an appalling waste of, you know, resources. And

Brenton Gowland:

so maybe your daughter has something

Unknown:

very strongly her point of view, you also

Brenton Gowland:

said put a limit on your spending before you start going down that rabbit hole. Yeah,

Samantha Young:

definitely. Because it's very easy. I think online shopping. So it's not real money. It's just, it's just online. And then this idea of your leadership practice and your sustainable well being in 2024. So what are the habits that you want to commit to and they don't need to be? I'm going to go and run the New York Marathon bright, small things that up. So what are some of the small changes? Is it taking a lunch break? Is it leaving the office at five o'clock some nights? Is it not doing work at home on the weekends? I don't know you're going to need to think that through for yourselves. But what are some of the practices you can commit to that are going to give you that sustainable well being? Great,

Ron Tomlian:

go and what better time to do it than this time of the year when we've got new year's resolutions coming up? Or I'm not a big one for new, you know, I know but for some people, that's that's a big thing, and let's make them positive. Well, I

Samantha Young:

also let's make them really specific. So I think most news resolutions are vague expressions of hope. You know, you're you've had a few drinks, that's I'm gonna get fit, and I'm gonna lose weight. And I'm gonna, you know, and they're, they're not goals, right? So if you're gonna set goals, make them smart goals. Yeah.

Ron Tomlian:

You're smart, too.

Brenton Gowland:

What's the definition of SMART goals? Again, it's the specific,

Ron Tomlian:

measurable, accountable, realistic and time stamped or time oriented.

Brenton Gowland:

It's like having an encyclopaedia with you wherever you go. As long as

Ron Tomlian:

it's not per Tanika mind.

Brenton Gowland:

Fair enough. Okay, well, as we wrap up today, I'd like to say Merry Christmas to everyone out there. I want to ask Ron, we've talked about a few books. It's just struck me We should have a reading exercise over the break a business builders reading exercise that we all do. We talked about three books so far. Well you talked about to Ron talked about one I

Samantha Young:

got I got two more. Oh, give us give us those. And I know you've got these classics. You probably read them Simon Sinek start with why that's a great book as a foundation for your year. And then Brene Brown.

Brenton Gowland:

Oh, daring greatly. Yeah, yep. Yep.

Samantha Young:

So be brave. What are you going to be courageous about in 24?

Brenton Gowland:

Okay, so I've there's a lot of books. There's five that we've talked about. So what was the first two you talked about Five

Samantha Young:

Regrets of the Dying and, and Man's Search for Meaning. And

Brenton Gowland:

yours? Run the 5am

Ron Tomlian:

Club. Okay, so,

Brenton Gowland:

if we were to pick one of those as our reading exercise for the break, what should it be?

Ron Tomlian:

Oh, crikey. I like Samantha's. I think Viktor Frankl always is a classic. And it's it's one that will help change mindsets, and behaviours. What's the book called again?

Samantha Young:

Man's Search for Meaning Man's Search for Meaning, right?

Ron Tomlian:

It's it sounds a little bit heavy, and it is a bit heavy, but it's an easy read. And it's one that I keep going back to all the time,

Brenton Gowland:

I will get on Audible, and I will simply buy it. And Christmas is the time where I start getting back into the walking habit. I usually walk about an hour a day. So I listen to that for about an hour a day. Best

Ron Tomlian:

way to get your mindset right is to get out in nature and do a bit of exercise. So

Brenton Gowland:

I would suggest if you're listening that Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, if we all read that, if you're listening, you don't have to obviously but if you want to we'll do the first episode backing get

Ron Tomlian:

the summary and blink list only take 15 minutes. Fantastic. Well,

Brenton Gowland:

we'll in 2024 talk about that in the first episode, so we'll see what we've learned. But there was four other books here that sounded really great too. So if you're hungry for some meaning you've got plenty of opportunity from those books that we've just talked about. So any final words for the year on Merry Christmas, any final words for the year Sam,

Samantha Young:

be safe, be kind and stay well? And I simply

Brenton Gowland:

say the same as you Merry Christmas. We will see you in the new year.